We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
