This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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