tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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