i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
