i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
