Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
