the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
