I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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