that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize