ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
