evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize