I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
