PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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