It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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