dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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