Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
