i love accidental penises.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize