I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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