Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
