You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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