Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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