I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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