Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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