wakey wakey hands off snakey
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
