i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Randomize
