Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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