He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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