i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize