Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
