Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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