The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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