I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
