So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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