he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
