We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
