I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
