He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
