You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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