Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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