i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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