I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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