His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm really busy with my period
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