3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
