I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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