That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize