It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
