Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
