Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize