You just made me feel so damn special
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
