I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
