just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
