I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
