well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
