Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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