We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
