Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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