Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
