i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
