glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
