It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
