so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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