Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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