drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Randomize
