Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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