i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
