At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
