giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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