A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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