I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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