I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This house was built for laser tag.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
