There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
