guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
