I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
