Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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