Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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