wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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