Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
