I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
