Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
