Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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