Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
