why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
