Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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