I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
