He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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