i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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