I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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