You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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