Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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