Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
