Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
