smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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