So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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