so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize