I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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