Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
