drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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