Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
