if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
