Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
