every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
