I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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