did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
