I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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