Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
