I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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