That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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